Random Strings of Thought and Ideas
by cdog21
Summary: A series of one-shots that contain different story ideas and settings. From movies to cartoons, from comics to video games. Anything is up for grabs. *Current fic rating set to T*
1. Behold for I am

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in this fic. Only the idea of Xander's new job was my idea.**

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><p>As I sit here on an asteroid in the Andromeda galaxy, staring out at the stars, I can't help but sigh at just how boring this job gets sometimes. When I was first offered this position, and the duties it entailed, those jerks never deigned to mention just how much downtime I was going to have in-between assignments. I mean sure, they get to be pretty exciting sometime, but what the hell are you suppose to do once you get finished with all of the paperwork.<p>

I guess that's the life of a Watcher.

Oh! I didn't tell you?

My name is Alexander and I am The Watcher. That's right the kind with a capital 'The' in the front of it. I have go strictly by Alexander now since the others don't think Xander is a dignified enough name for a Watcher. Personally, I think Acba is a goofy name, but I still wound up getting out voted by the others.

Right now you're probably wondering how somebody like me was "given" such a prestigious responsibility. Well, if you're familiar with my life at all, it was exactly how you're imagining it now. A dick with delusions of grandeur, a botched ritual, and me as the sacrifice.

I wasn't chosen for any particular reason, I just happened to be in the wrong place at the right time.

From what I could see, while being strapped down, the it didn't seem to be an overly complicated ritual, but the guy was obviously a dumbass. Thanks to the clichéd bad guy monologue, I found out that my life force was gong to drained out of me, killing me in the process, and used to temporarily restore the essence in some god's corpse long enough for its powers to be transferred in to him.

Things didn't go quite as he hand planned and when I finally woke up, I was alone in a room with a charred skeleton.

It only took a moment to break free of the charred ropes, but as I started to head for the door way I was suddenly transported from what looked like a warehouse to some kind of high tech observatory. I was also not the only one in the room.

Upon first meeting a member of the Watcher species, it can be quite disconcerting. As a race they have a base form, but each time they appear to a different race they assume a form that they can comprehend. In my case, and what turned out to be permanent, they appeared as some kind of 15-20 foot tall humanoid beings. Except for the abnormally large craniums they all looked like really tall bald-headed white guys. Which was… disturbing… when I found out that several of them were actually female in gender. The unscheduled meet -n- greet was due to the fact that they had detected the energy signature of one of their lost siblings.

Turns out the corpse wasn't a god, but one of them.

By the time they locked on to try and him, it was already dead again Somehow though, that energy they had detected had been absorbed by me. The interrogation eventually boiled down to me being changed into a Watcher like they were and being "offered" a job. It felt more like being pushed in to service against my will, but having learned over time just what I was capable of, I don't resent them for making me join.

Like I said before, it's actually kind of cool being a part of the universe like this and observing things on such a large scale. It kind of sucked that I would have to leave home and everyone I cared about since Watchers are forbidden from interfering with the lives of lower beings, but it was kind of comforting to know exactly how things would play out for them, before I was shuttled off to an alternate reality.

I trained under a Watcher called Uatu for the first few decades. Yes, it's that Uatu and yes I did mean decades. Each Watcher is assigned a segment of… existence I guess… to observe and record. There is only one Watcher for each segment, but their forms and actions very in each one. In several of the realities I followed Uatu to, he appeared as he normally did. However, in one reality he and the Watchers that were currently in that reality assumed the forms of large monoliths. Kind of like the one from '2001: A Space Odyssey', except they had like a circuitry design to them. After training was completed I was assigned to segment of reality that focused on my loved ones. That's not to say that other ideas that I was familiar with as a mortal never appeared, but Buffy and the others always had a starring role in whatever was going on. The first reality I was assigned to was pretty much like normal, except for one tiny change. Jessie had never been turned. Everything went somewhat like I remembered, but Jessie was there to help out. I kind of wanted to kick him, when I saw that in this reality it was going to be him that Cordelia was going to hook up with, but I had to let it go since this wasn't my Cordelia anymore than this was my reality. It helped that in this world Willow and I had started dating and it was her that I lost my virginity to. If I ever see my Willow again, I don't think I'll ever be able to look her in the eye again after I heard, and saw, some of things she and her Xander got up to.

Things followed along like that for a while as I got used to my knew role. As I got used to things, then I started to get the assignments that were a little more interesting. In one reality, Buffy had gone on a road trip to get her head together after the defeat of the Acathla and Angel's death. She eventually found herself in the small town of Smallville, Kansas. Wasn't long before she and the future 'Man of Steel' Clark Kent, wound up as a couple. There were several realities with one of us winding up being involved in Smallville one way or another. Willow even got knocked up with a half alien baby once, who traveled back in time to when Sunnydale was still around to meet a younger version of her mom.

It was really fun to see how different choices and situations would have played out for us. A couple of times I was turned into a vampire. The weirdest one was when Drusilla turned me while she was carving a sigil into my chest. I got turned into some kind of uber-Supervamp that couldn't be killed. At least I don't think he could have been killed. I hate that I was a vampire, but man did he have a way with the ladies. Can't blame him either, since if I could have pulled something off like that I'd have done it in a heartbeat. I'm also liking the fact that in most of the assignments I've been sent on, me and the others have always been as close as possible in the personalities that I was familiar with. On more than one occasion, I even got to be the hero that saved the day. Although that does bring up the odd situation I find myself in.

As a Watcher, unless I choose to reveal myself, I'm suppose to be invisible in every way or form to lower beings. It's starting to become a slightly disturbing trend in the number of beings that can see me.

The first time it happened I had been doing this for awhile and I got sent to a reality where the alternate version of me was apparently God. I don't mean a god either, I mean GOD! It freaked me out when I couldn't read anything off of him, even his past was blurred to my sight. When he turned around a waved at me I hightailed it out of there as fast as my ascended being legs could carry me. Given that I operate on a cosmic scale, it was fast.

It was a long time before the next occurrence happened. I was assigned to observe a reality where I was killed back in 2000 and summoned to the 24th century and given the quest to rally the forces of the universe against the demonic threat and its leader. The geek in me was excited at the prospect of me getting to meet the characters from 'Star Trek' I was even further geeked out when I found out that the alternate me was going to wind up hooking up with Seven of Nine. What was slightly upsetting was the fact that the forces of darkness was lead by a fallen Q who was called Lucifer. I don't know if he was the actual devil in all of existence, but in that reality he was _**THE**_ Big Bad. I was watching a conversation he was having with that realities Xander when his attention was drawn to me after the other Xander had gone to bed. I tried not to move or say anything as he just walked around me, studying me. He smirked and called me a half ass attempt and being a Q before he left to wherever. I was about to leave when a Q dressed up as Alice Cooper came and told me that I was doing a good job and that I shouldn't worry about others seeing me. I left not long after that, but I did stick around long enough to see the realty's Xander stab Lucifer through the heart with a 'god' sword and destroy all of his Q abilities. I laughed with popcorn in my hand as I watched him get decapitated by said sword.

The most recent occurrence was again with some being who appeared to be God. I was in a reality where that world's Xander had been chosen as the bearer of a powerful weapon. There was a lot of hardship and setbacks, but he always seemed to come through in the end. Sometimes I wanted to try and talk to him, when it seemed like the weight of everything was getting to be too much, but something always held me back. He pulled through in the end and kicked ass. Somehow he managed to resurrect a long dead knighthood and united the world against any forces that threatened it, be it from demons or from threats outside the planet. I was actually brought to tears a couple of times, by the things he accomplished. The most important one was the day he saved a woman named Bethany and her child. A woman that looked like Alanis Morissette with an Alan Rickman look-a-like showed up that night and I had never felt so loved like I did in her presence. I was about to leave and go take care of the paperwork on that reality when I was stopped by a hand grabbing me. I was shocked to find that Alanis and Rick were looking at me, while everyone else was leaving. Neither of them said a word to me, but the look she had in here eyes was the same look my mom used to have when I'd rush home from school with something new I'd done that day. She kissed me on my forehead just like mom used to before she and her associated faded away.

From what Uatu has slipped to me on occasion there is some kind of being that sits above all things. The very fabric of existence itself is only a part of it, but whether this being is God and the people that I've encountered in my journeys is this same being or just a part of it, is unknown. Whatever it is, I think it's kind of exciting to know that there's even more things out there to learn and that everything I've come across has just been the tip of the iceberg.

***BZZZ*** ***BZZZ***

There goes the pager with another assignment. I wonder where this one is going to take me.

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><p><strong><em>A.N.<em>**

**_Some of the stories mentioned in this fic were written by Luciafel (Blood Moon series and Prometheus verse), Tenhawk (Journeyverse), StarwayMan (31 Days of Halloween). All authors are on Tenhawk Presents and I recommend you check em out._**


	2. Watching a Saint

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters associated with either the Saints Row series or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The name of Laura isn't even original, but more of an homage. **

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><p>I've done a lot of crazy things, but getting caught up in the mix of things has turned into a really disturbing trend. Dodging bullets is something new, but not the getting in trouble part.<p>

What's really messed up is the fact that once again it's because of a woman that my life has been turned upside down.

Arriving in Steelport, I was overwhelmed by the sheer size of the place. To be honest I got lost so many times it wasn't funny, but there was the upside of seeing so many attractive women just walking around the place. After settling into my hotel room I decided to do a little sight-seeing. Steelport may only be an island, but it has some of the largest skyscrapers in the world. The three largest are called 'The Heavenly Trio', since they tower over the rest of the buildings and appear to reach toward Heaven.

Walking around down here it kind of looks like Times Square in New York. On one of the trio is an enormous video of a woman dancing on a stripper pole. At the base is the studio for Professor Genki's Murder Time Fun Time, a game show that has contestants "kill" the opposition to score points and time.

It got moved off of basic cable and on one of the premium cable networks after a guy got electrocuted. He didn't die, but I heard he was in the hospital for a while learning how to move again.

Steelport is also home to one of the most famous casinos outside of Las Vegas called The Ace of Clubs. Most prize fights, either for boxing or MMA, are always hosted there. It was here that I decided to try and see if Lady Luck was on my side tonight. After being there for only half an hour, that was a most definite yes. When I left Sunnydale for my summer road trip, I had a little over $1,500 to spend on expenditures. Making sure that I wouldn't screw myself over I had only brought a couple of hundred to blow at the casino. Within the span of 30 minutes I had almost doubled the money I had brought with me.

I only played for a little while longer before I decided to call it an evening and walk away while I was still ahead. After I left the casino I drove around for a little while trying to find someplace to eat. I hate to say it, but the people in this city suck when it comes to driving sometimes. Before I figured out where I was going to get something to eat, I came across three accidents, someone driving on the sidewalk almost hitting people, and two trucks chasing each other down the street.

I finally found a place called Phuc Mi Phuc Yue. If I hadn't already been in the mood for some exotic cuisine the name alone would have at least gotten my attention. It wasn't until I was chewing on an egg roll that I got the joke. The guy sitting at the table in front of me did not appreciate the timing of me finally getting the joke.

It was as I was leaving, happy and full, that fate decided to smack me in the face and call me her bitch. Walking back to my car I noticed this ridiculously hot woman standing at a news stand reading some magazines. I tried not to stare as I walked towards my car parked at the curb, but I couldn't help it. The brunette had a very light with her shoulder length hair pulled into a ponytail with two strands of the brown hair framing the side of her face. The spattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and on her cheeks just made her even sexier. She was wearing a black leather jacket that ended above her waist with a striped purple and black corset that strained to contain what had to be at least a set of C-cup breasts. Long black leather pants and a pair of boots that just screamed 'Bad Girl' completed the ensemble.

Focused on the wonderful eye candy like I was I noticed two dudes dressed in black suits with red dress shirts walking towards her. I don't know what it was that made me start to get worried, maybe it was the matching uniforms or my Sunnydale radar still pinging things, but those guys made me think that something was about to go down. When they started to un-holster a big ass hand cannon and some kind of sub machine gun and point them at the hottie, I knew this was another one of those defining moments in my life. By the time I had shouted 'GUNS' at her, I had already crossed the distance between me and her would be assassins. By the time they turned towards me I was already bulldozing the guy in front of me into his partner.

The both of them flew through the glass window of a gun shop and into some of the stands as I went racing back towards the woman. It should have been surprising to me to see her pull out a .45 Shepherd from beneath her jacket and point it in my general direction, but I was honestly more worried about the guys I had just knocked through a window. I don't know why I did it, but I grabbed her by her free hand and yanked her toward my car.

It turned out to be a good thing, since henchman 1&2 were already up and opening fire. Thankfully we were already pulling away from the curb by the time they started to shoot at us.

"What the fuck was that and who fuck are you?"

I guess I didn't answer her fast enough since she lifted her gun up and pressed it against the side of my head.

"I asked you a question asshole. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

"X-Xander! My name is Xander!"

"Alright, Xander, you want to tell what the hell just happened back there?"

"Besides me just shitting my pants." I guess she liked that comment since she started to smile. "I don't know. I was walking back to my car after dinner and then these guys started pointing guns at you."

"How did you see them?"

At that point I was kind of hesitant to answer, but then I didn't want a gun pressed into my face again either. "I was watching you. N-Not like I was stalking you or anything like that! I-I just… noticed you when I was walking back to my car. Y-You're really b-beautiful. I was admiring the view when I noticed them walking up to you."

I don't think that was what she expected to hear since she just stared at me. However it only took a few moments for her real reaction to kick as she started to laugh so hard that I thought she was gonna die from lack of oxygen.

"Thanks kid. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.", she told me after she started to calm down.

"No, problem. That's my job after all, cheering up all the violent pretty women of the world."

"You might want to think about retiring soon then. Someone might not be in as such good mood as I was.", she joked.

For a while we just continued to drive. No destination, no real direction, other than just getting as far away from those assassins as fast as possible. We didn't say much anything since she seemed content to just ride and I was still panicking about being shot at. The ringing of her cell phone is what eventually broke the silence.

"Hello?"

…

"Pierce would you slow the fuck down! Now tell me what's going on?"

…

"Too late. The motherfuckers tried to take me out while I was getting a newspaper." It was as she said that, that she turned to face me. "You could say that I had someone watching over me."

…

"Call Oleg and Shaundi. I'll be back soon."

She hung up without another word. I knew something was going to happen I just couldn't figure out what. At least I couldn't until she started slinking over to me like a sexy cat. When she wrapped an arm around me and started to nuzzle the side of my neck

"Xander… sweetie… I need a favor."

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><p>I need a favor. Four words. Four simple words that turned my life upside down… again. Turns out that the lady I decided to save was named Laura. Besides running around looking like a model and packing heat like the Terminator, Laura has a day job. It seems that Laura was the leader of an organization called the Third Street Saints. An organization that went from being one of the roughest gangs in Los Angeles to being a household name as a legitimate business.<p>

Laura managed to "convince" me to play driver while she and her guys went to take out the people that put a hit out on her. An hour later and I was being invited to join her and her friends in celebration of… killing a shit load of people… as she liked to say. The party was actually pretty fun. It wasn't the kind of party that I've been invited to on a regular basis, but despite what they did on a regular basis, a lot of the Saints were pretty cool people.

The party never ended, but well into the night, Laura pulled me aside to talk. Not surprisingly, it wasn't for the reason that I had been hoping since the party started. Turns out Laura wanted to offer me a job as a wheelman. She let me stay the night and hang out with the Saints, while I thought about her offer. After weighing the pros and cons all night long, I finally wound up accepting the offer.

Six months later I now find myself sitting in a custom Vortex playing chauffeur as I wait on the boss lady to finish her errands. It's mind boggling, but here she is the head of a crime syndicate and she still takes forever shopping just like any other woman does. Not that I would complain, since she has a tendency to fly off the handle and shoot at people.

The sounds of clicking heels on pavements draws my attention away from my thoughts as Laura walks out of the store. Decked out in a black cleavage bearing dress that's cut short in the front and long in the back, Laura can't help but draw the attention of everyone she passes by. Even from here I can see the shit eating grin on her face as she teases people. It was weird at first to get used to her personality, but once you get past the part about being afraid she'll kick your ass, she's pretty fun to hang out with.

Sometimes I wonder if she acts the same way around other people or whether it's just me that she's so playful with.

"Thank you for being so patient, Xander."

"Anything for you, Boss Lady."

I wait for traffic to clear before putting the pedal to the metal and running my baby through her paces again. A squeal of excitement from beside me lets me know that my passenger is enjoying the speed as much as I do.

God I love being a Saint.

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><p><em><strong>A.N.<strong>_

_**The name for the boss comes from the fact that one of the voice actors for the female boss is done by the sexy Laura Bailey. Surprised me when I realized it and now I can't get enough of her foul mouth in the game.**_

_**I'm also still working on my other story, but the next chapter is still under revision since I don't have a beta and I'm in school from 10 in the morning till 8 at night. The next chapter for Parlor will probably be up sometime in April or May and I'll probably have the first chapter of my Mass Effect up around the same time as well**_

_**Don't forget to drop me a review about what you guys think!**_


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